Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
