If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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