If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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