Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize