she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
