eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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