he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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