Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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