I accidentally had phone sex last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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