i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have aggressive nipples.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
