I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
