My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
