I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
