I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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