oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
