Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
