You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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