He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's paint friendship bongs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
