Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
