I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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