yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
