Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...