Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.