____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck