so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
