At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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