Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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