she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
