fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
