The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
