my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
