She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
