I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
