I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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