sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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