Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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