He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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