I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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