I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
