you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're like the curious george of whores
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
