For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
