I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
