you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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