I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
