If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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