the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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