Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
