Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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