You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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