I just saw a hot homeless man
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
