I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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