She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
