Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
