I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
