i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
