I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
