Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize