Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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