It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
