thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
